


turn the world back in time just to never say goodbye

by salvatorestjohn



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, No actual Ray, Tumblr Prompt, and very short, but - Freeform, it's just an all around angst parade okay?, just not to the right person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salvatorestjohn/pseuds/salvatorestjohn
Summary: "I know everyone's worried about Sara and Ray," she starts, and he nods slowly, remembering seeing Mick sitting quietly in a corner of the kitchen, just staring at a full bottle of beer. "But...you're really worried about Ray, aren't you?"Nate pauses, his head tilting. But Charlie's looking at him with wide, gentle eyes that look just as scared as he feels. His hand slips from her shoulder, back to his side as his tongue darts out across his bottom lip. He is terrified of losing either of them, because they have lost so many people already, and he loves them. They're his family. Especially Ray. It just feels...different.
Relationships: Nate Heywood/Ray Palmer
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	turn the world back in time just to never say goodbye

The Waverider's silent for once. It's not right. Everything about it feels wrong, like the calm before a storm, and Nate can't help but think that that's exactly what this is right now. There's been no word from Sara or Ray since they last contacted them to tell them they were gonna help Barry and Oliver out with some crisis that could apparently destroy the universe. 

He paces the library; three of his nails are already bitten down to the beds and a fourth is soon to join them. This is his fault. Maybe not the crisis—or who knows, actually, they could have easily messed something up in the timeline after everything that went down with Neron. But he should have gone with Sara and Ray. They asked if anyone wanted to help, but everyone was reluctant. The last crossover, as Ray's been dubbing it, that they had to do wasn't so great and it lost them Stein. 

But now not going could have left Sara and Ray without additional backup that they might have needed. He, at the very least, should have volunteered to go. His powers combined with Supergirl's would certainly have upped the odds by a fraction. And he wouldn't be here with the rest of the team, waiting with growing anxiety. Charlie's the only one talking, but her attempts to lighten the mood a little falls flat when no one can bring themselves to be distracted. 

"Gideon?" he asks, stopping in front of the screen on the wall. "Any news on Ray and Sara?"

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Heywood," Gideon informs him. 

Nate closes his eyes. He forces himself to take in a slow breath. 

"But I feel I should inform you that there have been several more aberrations created to the timeline since you last asked," Gideon continues, and the screen lights up as Nate opens his eyes. Red lights flash to life all over the map of the timeline. "They all appear to be located in the future."

"What does that mean?" Nate asks, shaking his head. "More time-jumping escapees?"

"No. These appear to be created by unexpected changes to events in 2020, affecting the future timeline. Including the future of the Legends, as well as Barry Allen, Kara Zor-El, Oliver Queen, and a few others. It appears as if Crisis happening earlier than it was supposed to has changed the course of the events and ruptured the timeline that had been in place."

Nate can feel a balloon inside his stomach filling with air, expanding until it's in his chest, getting closer and closer to exploding. He sucks in another deep breath and silently tells himself to stay calm. It doesn't sound so bad.

"What kind of things have changed, Gideon?" he asks, scanning the screen of dots and dates. 

"Well, for one, The Flash and Supergirl are alive," Gideon answers, and a small pang of relief hits him. "Oliver Queen is not. His death was altered; it happened sooner than it was originally meant to by cause of some ripple effect in the timeline, from what I can tell. He died two days ago."

Nate's heart drops at that. Oliver's dead. They weren't exactly best friends, but—Oliver was the Green Arrow, but also, he was _Oliver Queen_. A legend all of his own. He wasn't supposed to—how can he just be dead? Just like that, with no warning?

"What else?" he forces out through gritted teeth. 

"I'm afraid if I tell you much more, it could only make the rupture worse, Mr. Heywood," Gideon apologizes.

"Gideon, what else has changed?" he asks again, because he doesn't like the sound of that one bit. "What parts of the future are different?"

"Nate?"

He turns around at the sound of Charlie's voice. She's hovering uncertainly in the doorway, but her eyes dart to the screen with some glint of understanding held in them that tells him she may have heard a word or two. He sighs and faintly registers that Gideon stays silent. Probably for the best, some subconscious part of him thinks. 

"Hey, what's up?" he asks softly, crossing his arms. Even he can hear the weariness in his voice. He just wants this Crisis to be over.

Charlie shakes her head but steps further in at the implied invite. "Nothing. Just wanted to see how you were doing."

Nate doesn't even know how to begin answering that. It must show on his face because Charlie's own expression turns sympathetic for a moment. This thing is affecting all of them, but part of him can't help but think she has a little bit of luxury, not knowing anyone else well enough to really be that worried. To not have this pit of dread in her stomach, or have this hollow aching in her heart that's telling her something is _wrong_. 

"No news then, I take it?" she asks, dropping the pretence as she motions her head to the screen.

He glances at it and all of the little dots—more time aberrations they'll have to fix now thanks to whatever the hell the multiverse is doing this time—before shaking his head. He presses his lips together and tries not to think about what that means. 

"Not about Ray or Sara, no." He shifts his eyes back to her, and he stops. 

Her face has dropped, a crease between her eyebrows. It's such a familiar expression and yet completely foreign to him at the same time, because never has he seen Charlie look this upset or really worried. It occurs to him that he's wrong, was too caught up in his own mind to really focus. Of course she has just as much reason to worry as he does. 

Guilty, he sighs once more, then steps forward, trying to mold his expression into something resembling assurance. 

"I'm sure it doesn't mean anything," he tries, getting Charlie to look him in the eyes. He falters. "It's...I mean, no news is good news, right?"

"Don't think that really applies when the universe might be ending," Charlie says, and yeah, he wasn't buying it either. 

He at least manages to crack a small smile at that, Charlie giving one in return. Nate reaches out, resting a hand on her shoulder for a moment, squeezing gently. Charlie glances at it, and her smile slips ever so slightly. 

"I know everyone's worried about Sara and Ray," she starts, and he nods slowly, remembering seeing Mick sitting quietly in a corner of the kitchen, just staring at a full bottle of beer. "But...you're _really_ worried about Ray, aren't you?"

Nate pauses, his head tilting. But Charlie's looking at him with wide, gentle eyes that look just as scared as he feels. His hand slips from her shoulder, back to his side as his tongue darts out across his bottom lip. He is terrified of losing either of them, because they have lost so many people already, and he _loves_ them. They're his family. Especially Ray. It just feels...different.

"That obvious that I'm a mess, huh?" he jokes, but it's not really a joke at all, because he _feels_ like a mess, and he's sure it _is_ obvious. 

He leans back against the table behind him, staring up at the ceiling as he feels Charlie move closer to stand beside him.

"Kinda, yeah," she says. 

He snorts at her honesty, throwing her a glance, and she shrugs. He just returns to staring at the ceiling as his shoulders sink a little.

"I just got him back..." he says softly, his heart twisting. "I can't handle going through that again. Losing him. Or Sara—or any of you guys. But I just...I _need_ him to be okay. He's not supposed to go off and die in some heroic attempt to save the entire freaking multiverse from being destroyed in some _crossover_ that we weren't meant to be a part of, not before—especially not without—"

He cuts himself off, closing his eyes. 

"Not without knowing that you're in love with him?" Charlie ventures, and it's really not like she has to go that far. She already sounds like it's common knowledge but she's trying her hardest to not be obvious about it. He appreciates the effort.

Sighing again, he nods. "Yeah. Exactly. I didn't sign up to be a part of one of those tragic romance novels where one of them dies before they get together—or at least confess how they feel! Those suck, and we are _time travellers_. We shouldn't have to deal with that stuff, because we should be able to go back and fix all of the bad things before they even happen so that we can avoid situations exactly like this!"

Charlie's the one placing a hand on his shoulder now. He turns his head to meet her gaze, and he already knows.

"That's not how this works for us, though," she tells him gently. "You lot taught me that. Bad things happen sometimes that we can't fix. If we could go back and redo every situation that could have gone a different way with just one decision without messing up time itself, we would, but...we can't. Not even for stuff like this."

Nate deflates. Why did she have to be right? Why couldn't she just suggest they hop in the timeship and go fix whatever mess is happening, or at the very least help out everyone else with it like they should have been doing already? The team's really rubbing off on her. It makes him a little happy, to be honest.

"Besides," Charlie gives his shoulder a light squeeze, smiling once more as she points out, "nothing bad has actually happened. We would know about it by now if it had. So, really, there's nothing to fix."

"I guess that's true," Nate agrees, willing to look on the light side of things. It's all he has, and he'll cling to it for as long as he can. "Alright. Come on. Why don't we—"

An alarm sounds throughout the entire ship, piercing the air like a screech. Nate and Charlie look at each other, wide-eyed, then they're both running out of the library. The rest of the team are all quick to join, panicked and confused, the alarm still blaring and the lights flashing red. 

"What the hell is that?" Mick roars, looking ready to fight the ship itself if it doesn't pipe down. 

"Gideon!" Nate shouts, striding over to the panel. "What's going on?"

"A large wave of antimatter has been detected heading straight for the ship," Gideon answers, a projection of her most basic form—a simple, featureless head—appearing to them. "I'm afraid that the attempt to prevent the Crisis from finishing its course has failed. In twenty-seconds, we will be consumed by the antimatter and erased from existence."

Nate's heart drops into his stomach, his skin going icy cold. 

"Guessing that'll have something to do with that." Constantine nods his head towards the window with an edge of resignation in his voice. 

They all look up, and Nate couldn't possibly fee more nauseous right now. Space is no longer endless black with stars lighting the way, but bright, burning red flames tearing apart everything in sight. And soon, them.

"Well, what do we do then?" Charlie asks urgently, gesturing at the window as well. "How the bloody hell are we supposed to stop that?"

"You can't," Gideon says. "Once we are destroyed, the antimatter wave will consume Earth-1 and it will be the end of the multiverse. It's up to the Paragons to restore it, if they can."

"The Para—what do you mean?!" Nate sputters, the desperation seeping into his voice. "Gideon, we are literally about to be wiped out. We can't just sit here, and—let the multiverse be destroyed!"

"I don't think we've got a say in that, mate," Constantine says, his voice strangely quiet. There's something dark in his eyes as he stares out at their supposed end. It's as if he isn't surprised, as if he was expecting this. They don't have the time for pointless questions. 

Nate shakes his head. "No. _No_. Ray and Sara—"

"Captain Lance will be okay," Gideon cuts him off, as if agreeing. "She is a Paragon. It is up to her and the others to stop the anti-monitor."

Hope lights up in him for a second, because that sounds good. Right? But then it flickers back out, because— _wait_. 

"Well—what about Ray then?" he can't help but ask, his hands tightening a little on the edge of the console. "He's with Sara, right? So, the two of them—they can fix this? They can...restore the multiverse or stop the antimatter or _whatever_?"

Gideon pauses. Gideon never pauses. She's an AI, she doesn't have reason to pause, and yet, she actually pauses before answering him. If her projected face could have physical expressions, he's got a good feeling he knows exactly what one she would be wearing.

"Mr Palmer is not a Paragon," she says, and Nate doesn't fully understand what exactly the hell that means, but he knows it isn't good, so everything in him still drops like an anchor. "I'm afraid he will be erased by the antimatter as well."

Nate closes his eyes, dropping his head forward. Just hearing it makes his stomach turn and have to swallow past that lump in his throat. This can't be real. This isn't how this happens. Ray isn't even here, he can't just be erased on a completely different earth, not without the rest of them being there as well, at the very least. Not without him.

The control panel lights up, and Nate can feel it now. The resignation. Knowing this is it. 

"Ten seconds until the antimatter reaches the waverider," Gideon informs them, a timer now displayed on the screen in front of them all.

"Do something!" Mick shouts, whether at Nate or Gideon or just the universe itself.

"There's nothing that can be done!" Constantine shouts back, waving his hand at the console. "We're screwed. That's all there is to it."

"Five seconds."

"Could we not just take the ship somewhere else?" Charlie asks, already scrambling to turn dials and hit buttons despite nothing happening when she does. "Go back in time, or—or forward? Just anywhere but here?"

Nate shakes his head, even if he scans the console desperately for something, anything, a last resort that will get them out of this. But the waverider would never be able to outrun a wave of antimatter this big and this close to destruction, and even if they did, that would mean leaving Sara and Ray behind on Earth-1. 

"No. It's over," Nate says quietly.

He lifts his head to look up out the window as the timer hit three seconds. Those three seconds as he just stares out at the burning red antimatter feel like they pass in slow-motion, part of him wishing that they were facing Earth. All of him wishing he were on Earth-1 with Ray. 

All he can hope for in that last second as he feels the ship start to burn, the antimatter tearing through the window like it's nothing, is that Sara can really find some way to fix this. He can't let this be the end for any of them, not like this, they deserve more. He closes his eyes, breathes out, and thinks of how he would be saying goodbye to Ray in this very moment if he could as the antimatter engulfs the entire ship. He's almost glad that he doesn't have to. And then nothing.


End file.
